The Matchmaker
by rubydesires
Summary: It doesn't take a psychic to see love is in the air, but with one of the players in so much denile, even the little crocodile is afraid to wash his golden scales.  Looks like it'll take a psychic for them to see the truth.  And solve a murder. Shassie!
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Why, hello there! This is my first Psych story. I wanted to try my hand at slash, and since I love this show, I figured this would be the best place to start. So yes, this will be Shassie. Not yet, obviously. Had to get some groundwork started so there is at least something that resembles a plot. Anything y'all recognize, I do not own. I'm not making any money off of this, and am doing this only to fuel my guilty pleasures. I hope you all enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Here is a line for you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on, Gus! It's brilliant!"

"No, Shawn."

"Why not? It's even better than my snack zip line!"

"We're not putting a moving sidewalk in the office."

Shawn stared at his best friend. They were still in Gus' little blue Echo, sitting in the parking lot in front of Psych. Didn't Gus understand it would save precious seconds and energy moving from the front to the back of the office if they had a moving sidewalk? Even Shawn knew he could use those bits of ATP for something far more productive than _walking_. Like annoying Lassie. He loved annoying Lassie.

When Gus noticed Shawn's thoughts had turned to something other than ridiculous, costly things to add to their office, he got out of his car and stated for the door to Psych. Shawn snapped back to reality and hopped out the Echo, following his partner.

Gus didn't wait for Shawn to catch up with him, so he continued on his way to his desk. However, he stopped after crossing the threshold of the inner door. He stood there and sniffed for a moment. The pineapple was no doubt something to do with Shawn, but he knew the fake psychic hadn't been in the office since they left yesterday. It was the coconut that really confused him.

Shawn had snuck up behind Gus and stood behind him, looking over his shoulder. His eyes glanced around the room, trying to figure out why Gus wasn't moving any farther. He didn't see anything out of place, and nothing suggested anyone had been in since they left. Not to mention the outer door had been locked. Shawn nudged his friend so he would move.

Gus turned and smacked his arm, mouthing "Stop it!"

Shawn glared and jerked his chin towards the room. "Just go!" he mouthed.

The two then engaged in one of their silent fights and didn't notice when Gus' chaired turned around. Their "guest" took a drink from her plastic, pineapple shaped cup.

"_Ahem_."

The boys stopped, stared at her, and screamed like little girls. She merely put the straw back in her mouth and took another drink. Shawn and Gus stopped screaming once they realized who had snuck into their office. It was understandable that it took them a moment, since they had neither seen nor heard from her for twelve years.

"Alex?" Shawn asked with a grin.

"Hey hey," she replied with a matching grin.

Shawn shoved his way past Gus, who only hesitated a moment more before following his best friend over to Alex. The light brown haired woman stood and gave Shawn a hug, and then when she gave one to Gus, Shawn snatched her cup and took a drink from it.

Alex mock glared at Shawn as he drunk the rest of her pineapple juice. "So," she said to Gus, her hip leaning against his desk. "What have you two been up to?"

Gus shrugged. "Not much. Just putting criminals behind bars."

"And selling drugs," Shawn added.

Gus punched his shoulder. "I'm in pharmaceutical sales," he said, glaring at Shawn.

"Awesome." Alex glanced around the room. "Psychic detectives, huh?"

"Yeah," Shawn replied, handing her cup back. "I'm a psychic. Had the gift all along, actually."

He looked at her in shock as she started laughing. "Uh-huh," she said when she could speak again. "You're using the skills Uncle Henry taught us when we were little. And you no doubt go to places before the cops do so you can pick up any information to tell them later."

"Wow," Shawn said, looking at Gus. "Am I really that obvious?"

"Shawn, she can do the exact same thing you can."

The fake psychic was silent for a moment before he turned his attention back to Alex. "Do you wanna be a psychic, too? It'll probably help business if we have a woman on the team."

Alex gave a one shoulder shrug. "Sure. I just moved back here yesterday, and I don't have a job yet."

Then, as if on cue, Shawn's cell rang and he whipped it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen before answering it. "Hey, Jules! What's up? . . . Cool, we're on our way." He pocketed his cell and draped his arm around Alex's shoulders. "Incredible timing! We just got a case."

Lassiter hadn't wanted O'Hara to call Spencer, but it didn't seem like he had a choice. The detective was willing to put up with the kid's ("kid" referring to his mental age since they guy was 33) antics as long as it solved cases in a timely manner.

The only thing he didn't appreciate was when Spencer would bring his dates to crime scenes. There had only been one girl he'd seen him with more than once, but Abigail had left a while ago. This new girl had long light-brown hair pulled back in a pony tail, tan skin, what looked like grey eyes, dark brows and lashes, and a slender, muscular build. Her outfit didn't seem to match the girlfriend look, though: a red baby tee that had a ruler saying "You rock" and a rock saying "You rule" on it, flared blue jeans, and black Converse.

"Wow," he heard his partner say under her breath. He turned to look at her and saw she was looking in the same direction he had been. "Shawn's new girlfriend is pretty."

Lassiter grunted. "She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, and still not belong here."

"Maybe crime scenes turn her on?"

"Maybe if she was a psychotic serial killer."

"Carlton, that isn't a nice thing to say."

Lassiter was saved from responding when Shawn, Gus, and the new girl approached them.

"Hey, Lassie!" Shawn said with a goofy wave. "I'd like you to meet—"

"I thought I told you the last time not to bring your dates to crime scenes, Spencer," Lassiter interrupted.

Shawn and the girl stared at each other before breaking into matching expressions of disgust. Even Gus made an "ew" face.

"You must be Head Detective Carlton Lassiter," the girl said, extending her hand, and smiling. Lassiter noticed her nails were painted with black tips. "I'm Alexandria Spencer. Shawn's cousin."

Lassiter blinked, surprised, and shook her hand. She then held it out to O'Hara. "Detective Juliet O'Hara, I assume?"

"Yes," she replied, taking her hand. "Please, call me Juliet."

"Alex. So, what's the sitch?"

"Well," O'Hara began, becoming serious. "It looks like an accident. Our victim was a herpetologist, and from what we can tell by the puncture wounds, he got bit."

Alex looked at the body on the floor. They had him covered and she knelt down next to it, lifting the sheet. She looked at his neck, noticing a tiny puncture wound from a syringe. "Where did he get bit?" she asked. O'Hara answered, and Alex took a look at his wrist. Two puncture wounds, blood still on these, evident of a snake bite. She covered the body again and stood up, looking around the room as she did so. The room was big, white, tile floors, and large tables in uniform rows. It reminded her of her biology labs from college. She glanced at all the glass cages with their snakes and lizards. None were empty. She was going to tell the detectives this when Shawn beat her to it.

"What was that, Hissey?" he asked, bending over to look at a rattlesnake. "This wasn't an accident? And why would you say that?" Shawn watched the snake. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? It's kinda hard to hear you clearly through this glass." He paused again. Alex rolled her eyes, but no one saw her do it because everyone was focused on her cousin. "Oh! Okay, I'll tell him." He stood and looked at Lassiter. "Hissey says that tie brings out the color of your eyes very well."

"Spencer, stop playing around," the detective growled.

"Connie says the human was killed by another human."

Everyone turned to look at Alex. During Shawn's little performance, she had gotten a King snake out of its cage and let it wrap around her arm. She ignored them and made a little kissy face at the snake. "You're a pretty little serpent," she cooed.

Lassiter stared from Alex to Shawn. "Please, don't tell me she's one, too."

"One what, Lassie?"

"A psychic."

"Yes, actually she is."

"What else does the snake say," O'Hara asked before either could continue.

Alex glanced at the blond detective before returning her attention to her informant. "He appreciates the name I gave him. See, he may look like a King snake, but he has the spirit of an anaconda. Also, he says the human who killed this one was a female, and she framed his fellow snakey brethren."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And here is another one!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**AN:** Murder? Of course! xD Please leave a review and tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** I should be working on other stories, but since I got some reviews and alerts, I figured I'd do another chapter. I need reviews people! Otherwise, I will have no reason to continue! Okay, thanks to Tiffany, fantcfan, and P for the reviews. I would also like to thank stardust134 (who was the first to indicate wanting more of this story, thus providing me with the will to go on) and littlebixuit for the story alert adds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Llama line?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex followed Shawn and Gus into the precinct, taking in the little details as she went. Gus filled out a form for a Visitor's Pass for Alex, asking her any questions he didn't already know the answer to. Once they were all set, they took her into Chief Vick's office. Alex immediately saw the two detectives from earlier, and she glanced at the corners behind her once she entered the room. Her uncle was sitting in at the table in the corner to her right, and he gave a little wave. She returned it, and focused her attention on the Chief. But not before she noticed her cousin was standing next to Detective Lassiter, a little closer than was socially acceptable. After all, it wasn't like the room was small.

Alex gave a little smirk and decided to keep an eye on those two. It was possible there was a little something going on there.

She smiled at the chief as Shawn introduced her. "This is my cousin, Alex Spencer, and she's a psychic, too! She's also a part of the Psych team, so yeah."

Alex extended her hand, saying, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Chief."

Vick took her hand briefly. "Welcome, Miss Spencer. I guess you've arrived right on time. We got this note in while you were examining the scene." She handed a paper to Lassiter and he read through it quickly. "If I'm not mistaken, we have a serial killer on our hands."

"Or someone who wants to be one," the detective muttered, handing it to his partner. Shawn was bouncing slightly, waiting to read the note. Alex suppressed a sigh at her cousin's impatience and once she noticed O'Hara's eyes stopped moving across the page, asked to see it. Alex took it, and Shawn and Gus read it over her shoulders.

_I see you've got my message. I must admit that was fast. Dr Tanner was probably still warm when you found him. He really should have picked a less venomous hobby. Didn't he know snakes bit? I don't know who I'll match next. But as soon as I do, I'll let you know._

_XOXO,_

_The Matchmaker_

"See," Alex said, stabbing the paper with her finger. "Connie was right. Our murderer is a woman."

"Who's Connie?" Vick asked.

"One of Dr Tanner's King snakes—"

"Those are poisonous, right?" Shawn interrupted.

Alex smacked him in the back of the head. "No. Nor are they venomous. The Coral snake, which the King snake resembles, is venomous. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Connie is one of Dr Tanner's King snakes. He told me the doctor was killed by a woman. Connie doesn't know how or why she was there, since he had no interest in her whatsoever. However, he did tell me after the doctor fell, the woman took him out of his cage and made him bite the man on his wrist."

"The snake told you that," Lassiter said skeptically. "And how do you know the murderer is a woman?"

"Seriously? Tell me one dude who signs his notes with hugs and kisses."

Without hesitation, Lassiter pointed at Shawn. Alex raised her brow at her cousin.

"Come on! It was just once!" he said, raising his hands defensively.

"Okay, then. Besides Shawn, give me one guy who writes 'XOXO'." The rest of the room was quiet as they tried to think of any occasion where that had been the case. "Exactly. This Matchmaker person is woman. The next question is 'Who is she going to match next?'"

Shawn nearly groaned. Alex was failing in the "pretending to be a psychic" department. If she kept this up, they'd be exposed before lunch.

"That is," he started before Alex did anything he would consider stupid, "we need to ask the spirits to see if they can provide us with anything. We'll be right back!" He grabbed his cousin's wrist and dragged her out of the office (after Lassiter snatched the note from her) and down the hall. "What do you think you're doing?" he growled.

"What are you talking about?" she snapped. "I'm trying to find clues!"

"We're supposed to be psychics! We don't _find_ clues! We _divine_ them! At least, that's what we do in front of the cops."

"Well, _sorry_! So what do you want me to do? Go in a trance and start speaking in foreign languages?"

"No! Just do what I told you to do earlier!"

Alex put her index and middle finger to her temple. "This?"

"Yes! Just watch me, okay?" Shawn waited for her response before he continued. She dropped her hand and shrugged. "Good. Now, how did you know it was a female murderer and that snake was the one who bit him?"

"It was easy. There was a puncture wound on the side of his neck, probably from a small gauge syringe. As for the snake, his cage was already partially open, and the bites matched his mouth. I think the murderer didn't realize she'd grabbed a non-venomous snake. I would have used a rattlesnake."

"Alright. Now, I want you to watch me so you know how to play this." Alex nodded, and followed Shawn back to the office. "The spirits have spoken to us, and they have said we need to check the good snake doctor's neck for a puncture wound." He held up his hand and held his index and thumb slightly apart. "Probably itsy bisty."

Vick nodded. "If that's all we have to work on right now, than that's what we'll do. I want all of you to keep your phones on in case we get another note from this Matchmaker. Sit tight while forensics finishes their things." After the detectives, fake psychics, and pharmaceutical salesman left, the chief turned her attention to Henry. "Can Miss Spencer be trusted?"

Henry was silent for a moment. He didn't know why his niece suddenly left L.A., but he was going to find out once they had some time. However, that didn't change her character. That is, he hoped it hadn't. "She can be trusted."

Unaware of what her uncle and the chief were talking about, Alex sidled up to O'Hara, who was sitting at her desk. "Hey, Juliet," she said, half sitting on the wood.

O'Hara glanced up at her and smiled. "Hey, Alex. What's up?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could give me the scoop on Detective Lassiter and Shawn."

The blonde gave her a confused look. "I thought you were a psychic . . ."

"I am, but the spirits don't give me gossip. They feel it's a way of abusing my gift. So I have to get it the old fashioned way."

"Oh," she said after thinking it over for a moment. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

Alex glanced around the room, looking for the two in question. Lassiter was at his desk, and Shawn and Gus were talking to a tall cop a little ways down the hall. "Like," she began, lowering her voice, "how does Shawn act around him? How does Lassiter act around Shawn? Has either of them done anything nice for the other? Have they ever gone out for drinks?"

O'Hara did her own sweep of the room. "Well," she said, her voice low, "there was that one time, but I think they just happened to be at the same bar. Carlton tends to act like he can't stand Shawn, but I think he kind of cares for him? Somehow? I mean, he did get Shawn's bike back, and he's usually the first one to respond when Shawn's in danger. Shawn helps out Carlton, too. After they ran into each other at the bar, Shawn went through this huge deal to solve a case and give Carlton all the credit. Then there was the Drimmer incident. One of the gang guys, Drimmer, framed Carlton for the murder of Chavez, and Shawn was the only one who believed Carlton didn't do it. So he helped clear his name and everything." Then her eyes lit up as she remembered something else. "And there was the whole 'dazzle and stretch' thing where Shawn was channeling a dead actress and sat on Carlton's lap. And Shawn signed 'H & K' on a note with a tire tread he addressed to Carlton. And Shawn just about always touches Carlton during his visions . . ." O'Hara's voice trailed off and she blinked in surprise. "Wait, you don't think Shawn has a . . . a crush on Carlton, do you?"

"I am getting some interesting vibes from him."

"What are we going to do?" If Alex wasn't mistaken, there was a bit of a mischievous glint in the other girl's eyes.

"Well, I think we should keep an eye on them. See if anything happens that'll prove this little theory of ours." Alex made a slightly worried frown. "If it is true, would you be . . . okay with . . ."

O'Hara gave her a reassuring smile. "They're my friends, and I care about them. I just want them to be happy."

Alex grinned and held up her fist. "That's what I wanted to hear!" O'Hara returned her grin and bumped her fist. "Cool, I'll be right back." She jumped up and headed towards her cousin. "Shawn, a moment with you." She didn't wait for his answer and linked her arm with his, leading him to the same place they had their tiny argument earlier.

Shawn watched her, confused, as she took in a nervous breath. "Okay, I want you to be honest," she told him. Quite abruptly, too.

". . . okay."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No."

She hesitated for a moment before wincing and asking, "Boyfriend?"

Shawn blinked. Boyfriend? Where did _that_ come from? "Why?" he asked, his expression guarded.

"Well," she replied in a tiny voice, tapping her finger tips together. It was a nervous habit she had had since he could remember. "See, I was watching you and it looks like you may have a bit of a crush on a certain detective . . ."

"Jules?" he asked in surprise. Then he smiled. "She's great and hot and all round nice, but I don't have a crush on her."

"I wasn't talking about Juliet," she said under her breath. She also wasn't meeting his eyes anymore.

"Lassiter." It sounded more like an accusation than a question.

Alex opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

"Alex," Shawn replied quite calmly. "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I don't have a . . . _crush_ on Lassiter." Lassie was a _dude_! There was no way in hell Shawn would develop feelings for another guy. Shawn had answered his cousin unasked question calmly, but he was practically seething inside. No way. No fucking way did he _like_ Lassiter.

His voice may have been steady, but when Alex glanced at Shawn, she knew in those hazel eyes he was _pissed_. Which in turn pissed her off. It was a valid deduction! "Fine. Explain to me why you insist on being in his bubble."

"Because I like annoying him! It's what I do!"

"No, it's because you have a crush on him and you don't know how to handle it."

"I am not _gay_," he ground out between clenched teeth.

"It's not _about_ being gay or straight. It's about who makes you happy,"

The two hadn't gotten in each other's face before they had realized it, only a few inches of space between their noses. Both were breathing hard, jaws clenched. They stayed like that for a few minutes. Then Shawn's gaze flicked away from some distraction. Alex broke into a grin and stepped back.

"I win!" she said.

Shawn blinked, his anger suddenly dissipating. "What?"

"The staring contest. You looked away. Therefore I win."

He was silent for a moment. "But we weren't—"

"Of course we were."

"Fine," he replied with a smile, stepping back as well. "Look," he said, serious again. "I don't have a crush on Lassie. That would just be too weird. Even for me."

"Shawn . . . don't write it off just like that. Would you at least, I dunno, think about it?"

He ran his hand through is hair before answering his cousin. "Fine, I'll think about it, but I doubt it'll change."

"That's all I ask," Alex replied before heading back to O'Hara for more girl talk.

Shawn watched her leave and decided now was a good time to think. _Do I have a crush on Lassie?_ He paused in his thoughts and did a little "soul searching". _No. Okay, I've thought about._ And he wasn't going to think about it again.

He did not have a crush on Lassie.

Case closed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~How about a pineapple line?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**AN:** Silly Shawn. Of course you have a thing for Lassie. This story wouldn't be Shassie without it!

Reviews are like drugs. Can I has my drugs? I accept anonymous reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Damn. I'm just crankin' out these chapters. Okay, thanks to fantcfan, PixieJenn, Tiffany, mariska lee, and PerLuminisPropinquus for the amazing reviews! I would also like to thank Mahala A. C. for adding the story to their alerts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Do you like pineapples?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The day hadn't brought them anything useful. Even the two "psychics" could get anything. The coroner had found high levels of potassium chloride and the vic had had a heart attack, but that was it. No one had seen the doctor since he had left the university the day before, and they had traced the tip to the phone in the guy's office. They didn't even have fingerprints to work with!

And without another body, it didn't look like they were going to get any farther.

Lassiter had decided he needed a drink, just enough to loosen up from the stress of not being able to do anything to catch a killer. Although he wanted it, he knew the best course of action was to _not_ get wasted so the detective went to Tom Blair's Pub instead of simply drinking at home. He also expected to drink his scotch (or two) alone.

"Lassiter?"

The detective looked over at the sound of his slightly slurred name to see Spencer, drink in hand, staring at him in confusion. Then she broke into a grin and pointed to the empty seat across from her. "Sit. I don't wanna drink alone." He didn't move. She lightly smacked the table. "Sit! Please? We have important things to discuss."

Lassiter hesitated a moment more before walking over and taking the empty seat. He was curious as to why Shawn had started acting weird after she had pulled her cousin aside to talk to him. Before, Shawn wouldn't stay out of his personal space. Now the guy made an effort to stay away.

"Alright, Spencer, what do you want?"

"Please," she slurred, waving her hand dismissively and taking another drink of her own scotch. "Call me Alex. There are too many Spencers now. Or, you could call me Spencer and use Shawn's first name with him."

He was quiet for a moment, taking a drink. "_Alex_, what do you want?"

"I wanna talk about Shawnie. I've been watching and doing my psychic vibe and aura reading stuffs. You, good sir, have a thing for my cousin."

Lassiter stared at her, his scotch forgotten. How could she have been so blunt? That was a serious accusation. The girl should have eased into it. Then he could have prepared for it.

"Or not," she said quickly. "I mean, I could have gotten it wrong. There's always been a whole bunch of suppressed sexual tension in precincts. All of it could have messed with my receptors. Being a psychic isn't an exact science, y'know." When he still didn't say anything, she continued in her rambling. "I mean, like, who _doesn't_ find cops hot? And like the whole handcuff thing and the gun and the-"

"Alex," he finally said, interrupting her. "Shut up."

She did so by downing the rest of her alcohol. Lassiter took a big drink of his and rubbed his face with his empty hand. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation. Let alone with _his_ cousin.

"Look," he said after a moment of organizing his thoughts. "Spencer pissed me off when I first meet him. I couldn't figure out how he got his information. I know he isn't a psychic, and I know you aren't one. But that still doesn't change the fact I don't know how either of you do it. So, yeah, he pissed me off. Then he started hanging around more, and I stopped . . . hating him. I was going through a messy divorce and I thought it was just a side-effect of that. "

Alex waited for him to say anything else, and when Lassiter didn't, her jaw dropped and he looked away, doing his best to hide behind the scotch he was drinking.

However, when he heard her giggle and slur, "You have naughty thoughts about Shawn!" he nearly choked on the liquid.

"I'd tell you to share, but that would be really awkward since you're a dude who I just met today and it would be concerning my cousin."

"I wouldn't share them anyway," Lassiter muttered. He doubted he'd ever be drunk enough to even _consider_ doing so.

Alex had opened her mouth to say something else when her phone suddenly rang. She frowned at the interruption and dug her phone out of the little purse sitting on the table. Her face lit up though when she saw the screen. She slid the cell open and grinned as she answered it. "Gus! What is up? . . . Uhhh, yup, I do believe I am sufficiently wasted. . . . Cool. I'll go wait outside. . . . Thanks for doing this, babe." Alex hung up and slid out of her chair. Lassiter watched to make sure she didn't fall over.

"Hey," he said after she stopped swaying.

"Hm?"

"Don't tell him?"

It looked like she didn't any idea what he was talking about and then it clicked. "I won't." Alex grinned and walked away, leaving Lassiter with the last bit of his drink.

_Damn_, he thought, taking the last few drops. Stupid psychics needing to know peoples' secrets.

The next day brought another note from The Matchmaker:

_Why wasn't I on the news? If you had at least acknowledged my existence, I would have given you a clue as to who I was going to match next. Unfortunately, I've had to straight up kill them. And all I'm going to tell you is they're still at home, and they're a chef. Not telling you where they work, what kind of food they cook, or even their name. You get to figure it out on your own. Find them and make an announcement. While you're doing that, I'll look for the next match made in Hell._

_Yours truly,_

_The Matchmaker_

Alex was hunched in the corner, her simple sunglasses keeping out the glare as much as possible. She wished she had thought to grab her ear plugs. Why did Lassiter have to yell? It wasn't like this was a big room. Shawn, of course, was ignoring his cousin and standing as far as possible as he could from Lassiter. The fact wasn't lost on the detective, but he had a job to do. Gus was halfway between Alex and Shawn, not entirely sure where he should "place his alliance" since they were both a little peeved with each other. Juliet was in her usual place at her partner's side.

Vick had told Lassiter they were now going to treat this case as a serial killer's since they now had proof that it was. Of course, the news had traveled quickly the previous day, and Lassiter simply told the rest of the force what was in the new letter, and they were to call the restaurants to see if any chefs hadn't come in yet.

It took some time since they had to call every restaurant in Santa Barbara, but O'Hara had managed to acquire the name of the possible victim.

"Jacob Gloss didn't show up to work today. He's the head chef at Four Seasons," O'Hara explained to Shawn as Lassiter drove them to the man's house. She then gave the psychic the address and told them they'd meet them there.

Gus' Echo pulled up behind Lassiter's Crown Vic a few moments after the detectives had arrived. They walked up to the door, Lassiter and O'Hara leading, and Lassiter knocked on the door, fully expecting no answer. Alex, still suffering from her hang over headache, skipped the front door and made her way to the back. She found a key along the top of the door frame, unlocked the door, and walked in. A quick look gave her the little clues she needed and she went to the front of the house, found the chef's body in the living room, and opened the front door for the others. Alex held up the key before Lassiter could say anything.

"Ain't breaking and entering if I unlocked the door," she said quietly. "The body's over there." Alex pointed over her shoulder and stepped out of the way. She winced at the loud sirens coming around the corner and the others walked past her into the house. Alex grabbed Shawn's arm to hold him back. "I think we're working with a black widow," she whispered so the detectives would hear her.

Shawn, his anger at her momentarily forgotten, gave his cousin a confused look. "What?"

"A woman who seduces men and then kills them. If she's doing what I think she is, she killing these people based on what they love to do. Or at least making it look like that. This guy was the head chef at a fancy restaurant. He made her dinner, and she probably put some poison in it. If she did the same thing as with Tanner, she may have injected him with potassium chloride and had the syringe most likely had a huge amount of air in it, causing the heart attack." Alex let go of his arm and lightly pushed him towards the center of the room before the other cops entered. Shawn took that as his cue to do his psychic thing.

The young man stumbled for a moment, jerking to a stop, his hand on Lassiter's shoulder for support so he wouldn't fall over. He seemed to realize what he was doing and stepped back, putting the forced distance between them. Then he started slapping at his arms. "They're all over! They're going to sink their little fangs in me. Ah! Gus, help!"

Gus glanced back at Alex, confused since he had no idea what the two had talked about. He didn't know what Shawn's "vision" was supposed to be about. Shawn shot a slightly panicked look at Alex. Lassiter and O'Hara were just as confused as Gus. Since Alex figured she needed to come to her cousin's "rescue", she walked over and took his hands.

"It's okay, Shawn, they're not going to bite you."

"But that's what they do! They bite you and kill you!"

"The spirits aren't going to let them bite you."

"All those little legs and beady little eyes—"

"Spiders?" O'Hara asked, trying to make sense of Shawn's vision. "Did she use spiders to kill him?"

"No," he moaned, jerking one of his hands out of Alex's hold and placing it to his temple. "She is the spider."

"Great," Lassiter said, rolling his eyes. "I'll tell everybody to look for a giant spider."

Alex shot him a glare over the rim of her sunglasses. "Whoever is in charge of spiritual messages today doesn't want to make it easy. He's trying to be poetic. What Shawn means is our murderer . . . murderess?" She looked to Shawn and he nodded. "Murderess is a figurative black widow."

"I'm also getting poison," he added.

"We think the spirits are telling us she may have slipped some poison in his food," Alex explained.

Lassiter looked around the living room. All he saw was an empty wine glass on the table next to where the body lay. "What food?"

"In the kitchen," Alex said after a moment.

"Where people usually keep the food," Shawn added.

"Smart ass," the detective growled, going to the kitchen with his partner following him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I LOVE pineapples!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**AN:** Okay. I would like to thank y'all for reading! Also, I'm gonna see if I can perhaps draw some stuffs for these two. If I do, I'll provide the url.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Hey hey! Look it's a new chappie! -throws confetti- This also means I'm not dead yet. Okay, many much thank yous to my reviews (I'd list you, but I don't have access to the list at the moment) and my readers!

~~~~~~~I'm a psych-o!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shawn and Gus were back at the Psych office, trying to do their own investigating before the chief called them back to the precinct. Gus was searching for various things in regards to the victims and "matchmakers". And Shawn . . . well, Shawn was engaged in an internal battle.

"Hey, Gus?" he asked when the silence had gotten a little awkward.

Gus looked up at Shawn. "Yeah?"

"Can I . . . talk to you about something?"

Gus knew that Shawn was rarely uncertain about something, but when he was it was usually serious. "Of course. You can tell me anything. You know that, Shawn." After all, that was what best friends were for.

Shawn slumped in his chair and let out a groan. "Alex has this crazy idea about me being gay."

"It would make sense."

"What?"

"Shawn, you own an Easy Bake Oven, and you're obsessed with Val Kilmer."

"Since when does that make me gay? Don't answer that. Next point of discussion: She also thinks I have a crush on Lassie."

"Okay, I'm going to have to disagree with her on that one."

"Thank you!"

"You're in love with Lassie."

Shawn blinked, not yet processing what his best friend said. "What?" he asked after a moment.

"I said you're in love with Lassiter. You don't have a crush on him. You probably did at one point, but I think it's gone beyond that."

Shawn stared at Gus, jaw dropped. He couldn't believe this was happening. Why did everybody think he was in love with another guy? And why did they just now start to talk about it? "Okay, all of you can think whatever you want, but it's not true. I know what's true, and that isn't."

Gus smirked and turned his attention back to the screen of his laptop. "I didn't know we went to Egypt."

Shawn glared at him. "You're attempt at humor failed."

"Only because you didn't think it was funny."

"Fine! We are finished with this discussion." He glared at Gus and crossed his arms, pouting. "We have a case to solve."

Gus rolled his eyes and looked at Shawn. "We don't have anything to work on."

"Sure we do. This Matchmaker is a woman, probably on the younger side of 40, and she preys on single guys."

Gus' brow furrowed as Shawn's voice trailed off and he started staring at nothing. It looked like he just figured it out.

And the look of horror wasn't helping him any.

Alex had gone back to the police station to shoot some targets. Firing her Glock was the next best thing to relax when she didn't have any booze or pineapples.

And that was where Lassiter had found her.

"Spencer? What are you doing here?" he asked as she reloaded her gun.

"Just shooting. The chief said it was okay," she replied.

Lassiter watched as she emptied the clip into another target. He blinked, surprised at how good of a shot she was.

Alex glanced over her shoulder at him and smirked. "So," she started, setting her gun down and taking out the bright orange ear plugs. "How'd the news report go?"

Lassiter shrugged and leaned his back against the wall, crossing his arms. "Fine. Hopefully this Matchmaker person will . . . cooperate."

She nodded and mimicked his stance. "Cool cool. I always hated serial killers. I've found they're the hardest to catch. Give me a crime of passion any day."

"Yeah, it tends to be easier to get some suspects."

"Or there's always the gangs. I was pretty good with those."

Lassiter looked at her in surprise. "You're a cop?"

Alex grinned. "_Was_ a cop. I'm kinda retired at the moment. I was head detective in LA. Seven months ago, my partner was killed and I took it really hard. So Chief Telos thought it would be a good idea if I were to put away my badge for a little while. I can go back soon as I'm ready."

"I'm sorry. What are you doing in Santa Barbara then?"

"I grew up here. Thought it would do me some good to come back. I tried to stay out of police work, but it didn't seem to work out too well," she added with a little laugh.

Lassiter smiled. "How long have you been in police work?"

Alex grinned and shrugged. "When you're raised by someone like Henry, you're in police work your entire life. He pretty much trained Shawnie and me. Although, I was the only one who took it seriously. Eventually, at least. Shawnie and I promised each other we wouldn't ever be cops. Then, when I got a little older and thought about what I wanted to do with my life, I decided this truly was what I wanted."

He nodded, sorting through the information. "Why haven't I heard of you before?"

"Wow, you really are a detective, huh? Okay, Lassifrass, how about I just give you my life story? Enough with the twenty questions." She paused long enough to get her thoughts in order. "My father is Jack Spencer. He married my mother, whom he met in France while she was visiting family. I was born eight months later, and they stayed married until I was five. Dad wasn't ever around to begin with, so it wasn't much different. While Mom was working, I stayed with Uncle Henry and Aunt Maddie. Shawn was two at the time, so I helped with him, as well." She paused again, and Lassiter remained silent. "The family joke was we needed to switch fathers. For the most part, we agreed with them, but the two of us still became close. It wasn't like we had much else. Then, we met Gus, and all was great in the world. That is, until Shawn's parents divorced and he and Uncle Henry got real distant, real fast. Unfortunately, I couldn't be there for him because my own father decided to drag me to Mexico to look at Mayan ruins. When I came back, Shawn had built up his little walls and there was a distance between us, too. Anyway, I had promised to take him to a bar for his twenty-first birthday. I did so . . . and the next day I left. I went to attend the police academy. And for the next twelve years, it was like neither of us existed in the other's life. So, that's why you haven't heard of me before. Family crap."

Lassiter looked away before asking, "So, your dad wasn't much of a father?"

"Nope."

"Mine wasn't either."

Alex half smiled. "Looks like we've got a bit in common." He looked back at her and she continued. "Crappy fathers, head detectives, trigger happy, scotch . . . and we both love Shawn. Yours is, of course, different than mine, but it's the same general concept as in we care about him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~We're all psych-os!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**AN:** This was going to be longer, but I figured you'd all like an update. Dunno when the next one will be. Lots of school work. Curse you, ASU.

Oh! Did y'all watch the new episode last week? (Extradition II with Cary Ew . . . the Dread Pirate Roberts) Definitely provides some heartbreaking one-sided Shassie from Lassie's POV. I'm working on a one-shot for it.**__**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** I like this chapter. It's short, but I still like it.

Thanks to my Anonymous, invisalite, Carolyn, Umino Akiko, ummmmm….I can't remember if Jenn and Ryan gave me a review….and of course, many thanks to my readers.

~~~~~~~Look, 'tis a squiggle line!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About fifteen minutes later, the group was back in the chief's office. Alex, Lassiter, and Juliet were standing to one side, Shawn and Gus on the other, with Henry standing between the two groups. Shawn had called earlier, telling Vick he'd found the Matchmaker, and she had brought the three real detectives in. Everyone was looking at Shawn, waiting for the reveal.

The youngest Spencer closed his eyes and put his index finger to his temple. Abruptly, he brought his other arm up and pointed at the ceiling before bringing it down to point at Alex. His eyes snapped open and there was a slight hint of malice.

"You. You're the murderess. The place where you used to live…they started to close in on you. You were alone, and had nowhere else to turn, so you came back here. You still had no one to love, and no one loved you. You always were a hopeless romantic, someone who thought love was the answer to everything. And if love didn't work, you would turn to violence in a heartbeat. But this isn't about that, is it? Since you couldn't have the one thing you wanted—to be loved—you searched for single men with passions, and you killed them using a full syringe-half potassium chloride, half air—and you made it look like the one thing they loved was the one thing that killed them."

Lassiter looked from Shawn to Alex. When it seemed no one was going to say anything, he pulled out his handcuffs and took Alex's wrist. "Alex Spencer, you are under arrest for the murders of—"

She interrupted him by yanking her wrist free from his grasp and held it up. "Hold on. I get a chance to redeem myself." She clasped her hands behind her back and took a step towards her cousin. Alex smirked, grey eyes sparking with challenge, and she started to circle behind Shawn as she spoke. "You're the murderer. The one who has stolen your heart doesn't even know they're in possession of it. You spend nearly every day with them, and they still don't know. So you take it out on your victims. You found people who had the one thing they loved, and you made it look like it killed them." She stood behind him now, looking at him over his shoulder. "You killed your victims with what they loved…all because this unrequited love of yours is killing you inside. Every day that passes where your love is standing so close, but still so far away, makes you die a little more."

Shawn looked at his father and Henry shrugged. "It's valid," he told his son.

Lassiter looked at Vick who was staring at the Spencer cousins. "So who am I supposed to arrest?" he asked.

"No one," Shawn growled. "Alex just proved her innocence by giving a scenario in which I'm the guilty one."

"What kind of screwed up justice system is that?"

Henry was the one to answer. "The one they grew up with."

Shawn glared at his cousin, but the hate from earlier was just a shadow. "I am not in love with who you think I'm in love with."

Alex smiled sweetly and ruffled his hair. "You keep telling yourself that, Shawnie-bear. Dudes, I am starving. Let's go get some pancakes!"

Lassiter rolled his eyes. "You were just accused of murder and you want to go get pancakes?"

Alex grinned and elbowed Shawn. "Notice he said nothing about the fact I want pancakes at one in the afternoon. There's hope for him yet!" She pulled him off to the side and whispered something in his ear, covering her mouth with her hand so no one could read her lips. Shawn glance at Lassiter and turned a bright red before growling unintelligible things and storming off. The others looked after Shawn's retreating figure, and after a moment, Gus followed him. Henry, Juliet, and Vick left the office as well, leaving Lassiter and Alex. He looked at her, his expression blank. She looked like the Cheshire Cat. "Stop thinking about Shawnie wearing nothing but chocolate syrup." She waited until Lassiter also looked like he had just fallen asleep with only his head in a tanning bed before sauntering out of the room and saying, "Who wants pancakes?"

Gus found Shawn outside, leaning against the Blueberry, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He stood next to his brother from another mother and they were quiet for a moment.

"You're not going to ask what she said?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because I saw your reaction. I don't need to hear it because I don't want to spend the rest of my life praying to be one of the first casualties in the zombie apocalypse so I can finally get rid of the mental image she no doubt made you picture regarding Lassiter."

When Shawn didn't answer, Gus glanced at him and smirked. His best friend was staring at nothing, his face once again a dark shade of red. "You know you want him."

Gus held back a laugh when Shawn sputtered, staring at the guy he had thought was his BFF but had just turned into a black traitor with a thing for torture.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one looked at it), the detective, his partner, and Alex came out the doors to the precinct and all but ran down the few stairs and to the parking lot. Lassiter and Alex exchanged a few words before the two SBPD detectives went to his Crown Vic, and Alex ran to the rest of the Psych team.

"We just got a call from the Matchmaker. She gave us the guy's address and everything," she explained as soon as she got to them.

"Seriously?" Shawn asked in surprise, momentarily putting his private life aside for the case at hand.

"Yeah, just like she promised. This chick is seriously whacked." Alex gave Gus the address, and the three of them piled into the small Echo.

************And here be a star line!*****************************

**AN:** Dunno when the next one will be up. If I can figure it out in time, I might have it up tomorrow. If not…no idea. I've got a mini essay and a rough draft due at the end of this week. And I haven't started either! Should have, but I needed a break for that thing I call my sanity.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** I'm still alive. Haven't given up on this story. However, I am wrapping it up. I hope it doesn't come across as rushed. Thanks to all my reviewers!

**xxxxx**

The Spencer cousins had opted to go have a drink. They had some catching up to do, after all, and it seemed reasonable since they had both accused each other of murder earlier that day. As they entered Tom Blair's Pub, they were in the middle of a heated argument over which version of Jason was better.

"White Ranger was better because he had a tiger," Alex said for the fifth time.

"Green Ranger was better because he was green! And he had a Long-neck! Besides, Yellow Ranger had a tiger, so that doesn't count."

"Yellow Ranger had a saber tooth tiger. White Ranger had a white Siberian tiger. And it is true that Yellow Ranger's tiger was pretty awesome."

"But after they defeated Ooze, it all just went to hell in a duffle bag."

"Amen to that, brother."

"Alex?" She had stopped and was staring at the bar. Shawn glanced between her and the couple that had her attention. He was slightly confused until he realized there was only one person in the entire world who would wear that monstrosity of a shirt out in public. "What's Dad doing here?"

His cousin didn't answer. Earlier that day, after they had found the third victim at his house (a jock past his prime still trying to be the high school quarterback, judging by his own personal gym in the garage), a bench press bar crushing his throat, the detectives had gotten a lucky break. The guy had a roommate and he had seen the woman. The jock hadn't thought to put a sock on the door, and Nate had pretty much opened the jock's door, seen he was dancing the horizontal tango and immediately left. Nate was then able to give the sketch artist something to work with. And while no one was looking, the cousins had snapped a picture of the sketch with their phones. Alex now had said picture on her screen and held it up for Shawn to see. The younger Spencer's gaze flicked from the screen to the blonde woman sitting awfully close to his father—and had her hand on his leg!

"I'm not sure if I should be outraged or disgusted."

"Ditto. It totally looks like her, though. Oh, look, she's going to the restroom."

"How can you tell?"

"I'm a woman, Shawn. I can tell." Alex then quickly texted her uncle. "Call Lassiter. Tell him we'll meet him at Uncle Henry's."

"No! You call Lassie!"

"Dude, grow up. This is business. Not personal. Get over yourself and call him. You do realize you avoiding him like this is suspicious, right? Now call him." Alex got a text back from Henry and led Shawn out of the pub as he relented and called the detective about his latest "vision".

**xxx**

If anyone had asked Carlton Lassiter, he wouldn't have told you he thought he'd be hiding behind Henry Spencer's couch with Shawn Spencer on his left and Alex Spencer on his right. That was just way too many Spencers for his taste. It wasn't that he had a problem, per se, with any of them. It's just even he can only take so much of listening to Henry and the suspect talk nonsense (in his opinion) and the double dose of Spencer Shenanigans. Alex had surprised him. She wasn't acting like a head detective on this unorthodox stake out. The two had been texting the entire time.

However, if the good detective had known what the two had been texting about, he would have had a different opinion.

_Did you think about it?_

_Yes._

_And?_

_No._

_Maybe you should think about it some more._

_No._

_Why not?_

_Because I don't need to!_

_Maybe you should kiss him._

_No! Know what I think? I think maybe you have some sick, perverse fantasy about your cousin having hot kinky boy/boy sex._

_Perverse? Wow, I didn't even know that word was in your vocabulary._

_What's that supposed to mean?_

_It means I always figured a guy like you would be pretty open minded. Why don't you think of this: Lassiter in a black leather cop outfit._

_Like I said: perverse. If you like him so much, why don't you date him?_

_Who said anything about dating him?_

_Hey! Lassie is not some guy to use and then toss. He's a good guy! He deserves a real relationship. Not some fuck buddy thing._

_Awwww. You care about him!_

It was then they both got a text from said detective: _Would you two stop? You're driving me nuts!_

Alex and Shawn exchanged a glance before putting their phones away. They were quiet as they listened to Henry tell a story about catching a fish. They'd heard it before. But that time, the fish hadn't been that big. Alex tapped her knee, getting restless. Without warning she crawled to the end of the couch and peeked around, head low to the ground to see where the suspect was looking. The blond was totally entranced by her uncle. Since she was distracted, Alex reached up and grabbed the woman's purse and ducked back around the couch. She opened the purse, pulled a latex glove out of her back pocket and slid it on. She also ignored the looks the boys were giving her. Alex quietly pawed through the woman's purse and grinned when she pulled out a syringe, half clear liquid, half air. Lassiter blinked, staring at the murder weapon before grinned as well. Alex held up her fist and after a moment, Lassiter completed the fist bump. He then pointed at the woman's wallet and Alex pulled it out, opening it. The driver's license was visible and Lassiter read the name before quietly standing.

"Claire Nelson, you are under arrest for the murders of Theodore Tanner, Jacob Gloss, and Edward Carver, and for the attempted murder of Henry Spencer."

The woman looked up at Lassiter, brown eyes wide. Then she smiled. "It's about time."

Then they heard Shawn. "Hey, I know that voice!" He popped up, staring at her. "You're that crazy chick who was stalking me."

Alex, too, popped up. "From junior high?"

"Yeah!"

Claire smiled sweetly at Shawn. "Hello, Shawn. It's wonderful to see you again." Then she glared at Alex. "Hello, crazy woman. You put me in the hospital for a week."

Alex grinned in a not very nice way. "Yeah, well, you were scaring my baby cousin. Now you're gonna go to jail. Lassie? Book her."

Lassiter gave Alex a level stare before shaking his head and moving around the couch to cuff Claire and read her her rights. Alex looked at her cousin.

"Why is it always someone we've seen before?"

"Because, my dear Alex," he grinned and paused for dramatic effect. "It's a—"

"If you sing, I will shoot you."

The Spencers stare at Lassiter, startled. Henry simply laughed.

**xxx**

Later that night, Alex had kidnapped Shawn. She had bound his hands, blindfolded him, and threw him on the back of her motorcycle. She refused to tell him where they were going. She had also managed to disorient him by taking a very roundabout way to their destination. At least, he thought it was roundabout. How many times did the woman need to make left turns? When they finally stopped and Alex had removed the blindfold, he wanted to strangle his cousin.

"Go talk to him."

"He'll shoot me."

"Only if you start singing 'It's A Small World After All'. And seriously, how often can you slip that into casual conversation?" When Shawn didn't move, Alex sighed. "Look, I'll stay out here. If I hear any indications of domestic violence, I'll come busting in and save you. But . . . something tells me that won't be a problem."

"Alex, we're not psychics."

"No, but we are detectives. I talked to him day before yesterday. I detected some things. Now, go."

Shawn muttered something under his breath and Alex untied his hands before he stalked up to Lassiter's door. With a deep breath and before he could talk himself out of it, he rang the door bell.

**xxxxx**

**AN:** I'm terrible, I know. So long without an update and I leave you with a cliff hanger. xD No promises, but I might try to make things a little . . . action packed in the next chapter, if ya know what I mean. -waggles eyebrows-


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **Well, this is the last chapter for Matchmaker. Sorry there was no action in this one. Lassie was being a gentleman. xD

**xxxxx**

Lassiter hadn't expected to see Shawn when he opened the door. Despite the fact he had heard the motorcycle before his doorbell had been rung. But that's who was at the door, and Lassiter could see Alex across the street give him a thumbs up. He rolled his eyes and gave Shawn his typical glare.

"What do you want, Spencer?"

Shawn was looking everywhere but at him, shifting his weight from side to side. The guy looked scared to death. Lassiter sighed and moved to the side, motioning for Shawn to come in. The psychic's gaze flicked to his for a moment before he slipped past Lassiter. The detective shut the door and leaned against it.

"Well?"

"Um, I . . . am going to kill her." During Shawn's attempt at speech, the pair heard the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle driving away. And that was when it clicked.

"She's playing matchmaker."

"Yeah . . . look, Lassiter, I'm sorry about Alex. She's always been a little forceful when it comes to this kind of thing. She thinks everybody deserves a happy ending and she'll be damned if that's not how it goes. I tried telling her it wasn't gonna work, but she's just so damn stubborn—"

"Why wouldn't it work?"

"—and I don't . . . wait, what?"

"I asked," Lassiter said, pushing off the door and walking past him towards the living room and back to his bottle of scotch, "why wouldn't it work?" He fell onto the couch, draped one arm over the back and put his feet up on the table, ankles crossed. Shawn stared at him as he took a swig straight from the bottle.

"Uhhh . . . it wouldn't work because neither of us are gay." Lassiter just quirked a brow and Shawn began to fidget. "We're not." Here he gave a nonchalant shrug. Shawn was starting to look extremely uncomfortable. "And if we were, that would just be . . . gay."

"Indeed, it would be."

He watched Shawn continue to fidget and give a general uncomfortable vibe. Yes, he'd admit it. Shawn was adorable when he didn't know what the hell he was doing. And Lassiter loved that he was cause of it.

"I'm not gay, by the way." Lassiter mentally smirked when Shawn seemed to completely relax. "I'm bi." Shawn immediately tensed and stared at him. "Y'know, I swing both ways. Play for both teams. Switch hitter." He tilted his head. "You've never kissed another guy, have you?" Shawn shook his head hard enough to give anyone whiplash. "Oh, that's right. You never went to college."

Shawn growled and glared at him. "What's college got to do with it?"

"Uh, everything? That's when most people experiment. I'm sure Guster's kissed his fair share of men. I experimented. I liked it. Now, would you sit? You're making me nervous."

"I will not sit."

"Where you gonna go? You don't have a ride, and there's no way I'm letting you walk. With my luck you'll get kidnapped and have your ass shot off. Which would suck because there's a shortage of nice asses in the world and it would be a shame to damage yours."

Shawn stared at him. "Did you just adjust a quote from Princess Bride?"

"Yup. Now would you sit your ass down? I'm not gonna bite."

The younger man hesitated for a moment before sitting on the other side of the couch. Lassiter sighed and rolled his eyes. There was an awkward silence. Most of the awkwardness coming from Shawn. The kid needed to relax, so Lassiter held the scotch out to him. Shawn took it without hesitation and took a drink before handing it back. Lassiter smirked and took a drink as well.

"Oh, God. That was an indirect kiss."

"Yup."

"You did it on purpose."

"Yup."

"Bastard."

"Sexy ass bastard." When Shawn didn't respond, Lassiter looked at him with a grin. "Come on. Any other day you would've said it. Actually, I always thought you had a thing for me."

"I do not."

"Oh, really? Then explain to me why you're always touching me. Why do you give me all those nicknames? You've even called me sexy and a handsome devil. And we can't forget when you said you were in love with me. I thought we were Spenciter, Lassitawn. I thought we were Shassie now." Lassiter's grin widened when Shawn didn't respond. "Ask yourself this: would it really be that bad?"

"Loving you?"

Lassiter blinked. That wasn't the question he was going for, and he wasn't entirely sure of his ego could take the hit he had just opened himself up to. Shawn was quiet for a long time.

"No."

Lassiter looked at him again. Shawn's voice had been so quiet he didn't think he had said what he thought he had. "What?" Suddenly, Lassiter had lost his cool and his heart was pounding.

"No," Shawn repeated, louder this time.

"No . . . what?" And of course, Lassiter was expecting the worse.

"It wouldn't be that bad. I mean, it makes sense. Now that I think about it. Without the whole . . . hetero freak out thing." He looked at Lassiter, a small smile tugging at his lips. "But yeah. It makes sense. Given all the stuff I've done to you."

"Yeah, that it does."

"So, uh . . . how long?"

"In regards to?"

"How long have you had . . . feelings for me?"

"Oh. Huh." Lassiter was quiet, thinking back over the years he'd known Shawn. "I realized it a couple years back. Just one day, you came traipsing into the station, and I thought about how good you looked. But it had started before that. I don't know when I stopped hating you and started loving you. It just kinda melted into the other."

"Wait, you love me?"

"Yeah. I just said that, didn't I?"

"But you said it so . . . casually."

Lassiter held up the bottle, now almost gone. "This is my second bottle. I'm kinda drunk at the moment. It's a lot easier for me to say things right now."

"But if you were sober—"

"I'd still love you." Shawn looked at him, hazel eyes guarded. Lassiter smiled at him. "It's true. Might not be able to say it quiet as fast, especially if there were others around, but I'd still love you." Shawn just grunted a response and Lassiter grinned.

"So," Shawn said after a moment. "I like you, you like me. What now?"

"Well," Lassiter drawled. "Unfortunately, we can't have wild boy sex 'cause you are so not prepared for that. As much as I regret saying it, that will have to wait for another time. But," he said, holding up a finger. "There are still funz to be had."

Shawn held back a laugh. "Did you just say there are still funz to be had?"

"I did. Slightly drunk, remember?"

"Yeah. I remember. So what kind of—" Shawn is unable to finish that question because Lassiter is kissing him.

"When I'm sober and can give you my undivided attention and thus will be able to ravage you correctly, I'll show you what kind of funz."

"Oh, well that's mighty kind of you."

Lassiter smiled and kissed him again. "But for now, I'm beat. I had a long day."

"Oh yeah. I was accused of murder." Shawn squeaks slightly when Lassiter's mouth moved to his neck. "Lassie. . ."

"I know, I know." Lassiter sighs and sits back. "Too tired to play. But you'll stay, right?"

Shawn nods and smiles at him. Lassiter smiles back and grabs his hand before dragging him to the bedroom.

**Xxx**

When the pair entered the station the next morning, they were immediately greeted by Alex.

"Shawnie! Guess what, guess what!"

"Did Hugh Jackman finally call you back?"

"No. Not yet. But he will. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I'm a cop again!"

Shawn blinks. "What?"

"Chief Vick hired me."

"But you're working for Psych."

"I'm kinda like a liaison for the SBPD and Psych. But I'm more on the cop side than the private detective side. See? Look, I even have a badge again, and I can carry my gun again, and it's awesome! So. I see you didn't get shot."

"I did get a shot, but I didn't get shot."

"See, I told you. I know what's going on." Then she looked at Lassiter with a grin. "So my BFF. What are the details of last night's escapades?"

Lassiter shrugged. "We didn't do anything."

"Yes, we did. There was kissing and snuggling . . . and you groped me in your sleep."

Lassiter didn't respond. He actually wasn't asleep. He had thought Shawn was so that's why he decided to cop a feel . . . no pun intended.

**Xxxxx**

**AN:** Well, that's it! There will be a sequel. Cuz Shawn was to learn about da funz. xD Also, would you peeps like to read something about Alex? Like before she came back to Santa Barbara?


End file.
